During the month of February, we turn our attention to “Love”. It is in the air and on the media as we celebrate Valentine’s Day. This time is an opportunity to earn your own love language and that of your spouse, so that you and they can experience love in a deeper way.
In Dr. Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages, Dr. Chapman says that your spouse’s/partner’s love language may be as different as Chinese from English. If you are expressing your love in English, but they speak Chinese, it will be difficult to understand each other and to experience their love. There are basically five emotional love languages, and each has dialects or variations. We all typically have a primary and a secondary love language. Also, our love language can change over time.
Here are the five love languages that Dr. Chapman has identified:
WORDS OF AFFIRMATION: Words are powerful. Verbal appreciation and encouragement, “You look great in that suit”, ‘I really appreciate your help with baking that cake,” “you can do this.” “I believe in you.” Focus on the little things. Say out loud what you are thinking.
QUALITY TIME: It is more than being together. It is focusing your energy on your mate. Unless you are completely focused on him or her, you are not giving quality time and they won’t experience it as “love”.
RECEIVING GIFTS: Gifts are visual symbols of love. Giving of a gift is an expression of love and devotion. These gifts do not need to cost a lot of money, but are a visible sign of your love.
ACTS OF SERVICE: Doing some simple chore around the house, like laundry, or vacuuming, taking out the trash, taking the car to the shop.
PHYSICAL TOUCH: Some form of physical contact from you will express love when that is their language. Sexual intercourse is only one dialect for this language. Take the time to learn the touches that your spouse likes. They could be a foot massage, a back rub, a kiss, a touch on the cheek, a hug.
Whether or not you have learned your love language in the past, or this is the first time, we invite you to talk about your love languages and discover or rediscover them. Share with your mate how you would like them to demonstrate their love in your language.
You may want to take the quiz. It is free online. https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/couples-quiz
Dr. Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages, will also give you a deeper understanding of the love languages and is available for purchase.
Carl and Nancy Terry